


Christmas Gift or Blue Seduction

by ladykardasi



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Christmas Fluff, First Time, Fluff, Jeans, M/M, Masturbation, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 17:08:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10903764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladykardasi/pseuds/ladykardasi
Summary: Kirk brings Spock with him to his winter cabin. Well there, he discovers that keeping his emotions under wraps is a lot more difficult there than on the Enterprise. A Christmas Gift has some significance in the change of their relationship to one another.





	Christmas Gift or Blue Seduction

GOLD Golden O 2000 for Best Challenge story

Kirk followed the path through the woods. The pines were tall and dark around them. Snow hung in the air and he ventured a glance back to watch Spock, as he was padding through the deep, sugary snow. The Vulcan looked very human. Kirk grinned at the thought of what Spock would say if he'd heard that particular stray thought. A cap was pulled down snugly over his ears and his eyebrows. The lapels of his jacket were drawn up tightly around his face, despite the thick neck-wrap he was wearing. Kirk caught his chuckle before it spilled over. Spock did not like the cold, that much was obvious, and he would not appreciate if Kirk laughed at him. They would reach their destination momentarily though. It wasn't too far to the log-house and Spock kept moving along silently behind him.

Shore leave on Earth. Finally. And finally he could get to spend some time in the log cabin he bought years ago. How had he survived not being on Earth for so long? The best part, though, was the fact that he would be spending this time with someone for whom he cared deeply. 

"I sincerely wish that we would arrive shortly," Spock said, stopping and looking up at the skies. "The clouds overhead look threatening."

That was as close to a complaint Spock had come during their walk through the woods. They could have beamed over, but since he had asked to hike through the woods, Spock had acquiesced, even though he suspected the Vulcan had regretted it several times over the past two hours. After all, he had uttered those exact words repeatedly. Kirk supposed he might be getting cold by now. To him though, this was a mild winter's day. Apparently, Spock did not agree. 

"We'll arrive at the cabin in only about five minutes more," Kirk said. 

"If I remember correctly, and I am certain that I do, you uttered the same reassurance fifteen minutes ago." 

"This time, I mean it." 

Kirk stopped and turned around to let his friend catch up. He put his hand on Spock's shoulder and patted him comfortingly on the back. If Spock had been human, he would have scowled. As it were, he didn't, but Kirk still felt a twinge of worry and a bit of guilt. The mere fact that he was falling behind was fairly unusual. 

"Spock," he said. "Are you all right?" 

"I am quite all right, Captain. But I shall certainly enjoy the cabin's warmth when we arrive."

The air stood like a cloud out of the Vulcan's mouth and his skin had a pale, greenish-gray tinge that Kirk had never seen on him before. Kirk decided not to tell Spock that the cabin probably would be freezing cold when they got there. No need to torment him before it became inevitable.

"Look over there," Kirk said and pointed between two extraordinarily tall pine-trees. 

Between the pines, the snow-covered roof of a house could be seen, if one looked carefully enough. Kirk smiled as he heard the faint exhalation of relief from his friend. Spock must be freezing to reveal his discomfort so openly. He almost laughed when the Vulcan picked up the pace and nearly ran past him. He followed briskly and soon they stood on the porch to the log cabin. 

"If you had kept that pace all the time you would have kept warm," he teased, but the Vulcan didn't reply. Kirk stepped inside first, but Spock followed hastily. Kirk bit his lip not to smile when he saw the subtle, but still disappointed look on his comrade's face. 

"It is cold," he commented unnecessarily.

"Yes. I'm sorry, but we will have to fix that for ourselves. There hasn't been anyone here in ages."

Kirk suddenly wished he had beamed over the evening before and started up the heater. But it was too late for that now. Spock sighed and put his gloves back on. 

"What do you require me to do?"

Kirk pointed to a door underneath the stairs. 

"In there, we have the heater and the stasis chamber. There's also a storage room. All you have to do is start the power pack for the heater and it should be warm in here in about half an hour, or an hour at the most." 

Spock nodded and moved quickly through the living room without paying much attention to his surroundings other than getting to the heater as quickly as possible. 

Kirk grinned, and looked around. He loved this place, even though he seldom had a chance to visit. The cabin was a very comfortable log house. It had electricity, hot water and was homey in a rather rustic way. The walls were covered with rough wooden panel that resembled the logs of the exterior. Kirk rubbed his hands together and smiled. 

As the Vulcan set to his task, Kirk went outside again. It wasn't really that cold, hardly below freezing point, but he supposed that it was cold enough for someone used to desert climates. He remembered how unpleasantly hot he had found it on Vulcan, not to mention the extra gravity, so he guessed he could sympathize with Spock after all. 

The door to the storage room was on the outside, so he walked around the house to get there. It held wood, piled roof high, inside. Kirk brought as much as he could carry, went back into the cabin and built a fire in the open fireplace. Soon, the flames flickered and spread their warmth through the house. Satisfied, he went to check out how Spock was doing with the heater. 

"Is everything all right?" Kirk wondered as he rummaged through the stasis chamber, picking out a few items he would need. 

"I will be finished momentarily," Spock replied and rubbed his hands together. Kirk was overcome with the want to warm those hands, but given the fact that Vulcans didn't really like being touched, he refrained from offering. 

"Good."

Kirk left Spock to put a pot on the stove. He poured two large mugs of milk in it. He would get Spock to appreciate this trip even if he had to get up several times a night to stoke the fire. Kirk halted at that thought. That was not what he had meant. That particular fire burned hot enough as it was. He pushed the intruding thoughts aside with effort. 

What if Spock could sense these... fantasies he indulged in sometimes? He'd always been careful around the Vulcan, especially when they had to touch. Would he lack the ability to keep these thoughts in control now that they were off duty, and would be spending so much time in such close proximity? It had seldom been much of a problem on the Enterprise. But staying at the cabin never failed to relax him in a way that few other things, or places, could. Maybe this was a mistake?

Dismayed, he turned on the stove to heat the pot of milk. There was nothing he could do about it now. They were here, and they'd stay here for two weeks. Suddenly announcing that he wanted to leave would not be possible without raising a lot of questions - and elegantly upswept eyebrows. He wasn't ready to face those. 

He started whipping cream as he waited for the milk to heat up. He had to admit that it was a good feeling, standing in the kitchen of the cabin again. He could do this. He would set aside the inappropriate feelings he had for his first officer, and just enjoy this quiet time with the best friend he'd ever had. They would have a good time here, together. It had been years since he was last here, and he was going to enjoy these precious days. He needed them, and so did Spock. If Spock could sense how much he truly cared, would that really be such a bad thing?

Soon, the milk heated and Kirk added the cocoa powder and sugar. Just as he was about to pour the beverage into the mugs, Spock entered the kitchenette. He was still wearing his winter clothes and the tip of his nose was flushed strangely dark green. 

"Are you still cold?" Kirk asked compassionately. 

"The temperature is far below my preference, yes," Spock nodded. 

"It's getting warmer in here though," Kirk coaxed. "I think it's safe to rid yourself of the thermo jacket now."

"I believe I will remain dressed like this for quite some time," Spock replied and rubbed his hands together. 

"You realize of course that the clothes still carry the chill from outside with them?" he pointed out. "I can assure you that sitting in front of the fire, wrapped in a blanket will increase your body temperature much faster. Besides, you can't drink hot cocoa wearing those gloves." 

"Indeed," Spock mumbled, and finally seemed to acquiesce. Kirk walked out of the kitchenette. His heart was beating fast. Never had that place seemed so small before. Never had Spock's presence felt so... intrusive. 

Kirk put the mugs on the table and pulled out a fake bearskin rug from one of the closets. It was soft as a kitten's fur and very nice and warm to sit on in front of the fire. He spread it on the still-cold floor and brought out a blanket just as he had promised. Spock followed cautiously. 

Trying to appear normal, with his heart still doing strange gymnastics in his chest, Kirk sat in front of the fire. He had pulled the rug really close and the heat from the flames was so intense it was almost uncomfortable. He was sure Spock would appreciate the warmth though. 

"Come. Sit." 

Kirk patted on the empty space beside him. Too late, he realized that he and Spock would be sitting very closely together in front of the fire. But he couldn't pull out of that without raising some of those uncomfortable questions, so he simply turned to the table and grabbed both mugs of hot cocoa. 

"Get out of the thermojacket and pants, Spock. You'll be much more comfortable in front of the fire."

"Very well," he replied and finally pulled the cap, neck-wrap and gloves off. His dark hair was lightly mussed and the cheeks flushed as he was getting warm again. Spock did not move from the comfortable warmth of the fire. Instead, he piled the clothes neatly on the easy chair by the table before sitting down beside Kirk. He was close enough to touch, and Kirk savored the feeling of the Vulcan's arm brushing against him as Spock settled. As their knees pushed together, Kirk felt as if an electric current had traveled between them. He nearly gasped.

Did I really think I was going to be able to hide that from him? 

With practiced ease, he stretched his legs, getting away from the faint contact, and casually handed over the mug. 

"There you go, Spock. Be careful, it's very hot." 

"What is it?"

"Cocoa. Haven't you ever tried it? There's some whipped cream in it too. I know you don't indulge often, so drink up, and don't tell Bones."

Spock looked at him and Kirk could see the faint amusement in the direct gaze. 

"It's something my mom used to make for me when I was a kid and had been out in the snow for too long, getting all cold and wet. Nothing gets you all warm inside as quickly as a cup of hot cocoa with some whipped cream at the top."

Kirk tore his eyes from Spock, and sipped from his cup. It was too hot. He burned his tongue but refused to let on. If what had been going on in his mind since they arrived was any indication of the days to come, this would prove to be a couple of very long weeks. 

"It is indeed a pleasurable taste," Spock said suddenly. "It tastes like Terran chocolate."

"Yeah," Kirk agreed. "It's made from the same beans." 

"I see. It is most ... pleasant. Curious, this beverage appears able to warm me in a way I doubt that tea or coffee could. That is quite illogical, the temperature is most certainly the same."

Spock was staring into his mug with a very intent look on his face, as if he was wishing he had the equipment to scientifically examine these properties in hot cocoa. A stab of tenderness shot through Kirk at the image. Spock was the most interesting person he knew. He was intelligent, had a dry wit that never failed to amuse him. Of course, Spock would never admit to having humor, such a human concept. He was also loyal, honest and ... attractive. Kirk swallowed another sip of cocoa. It was still too hot. Yet it didn't distract him from his musings. 

Whenever Spock focused on something, it was as if the rest of the world ceased to exist. 

Kirk found he desperately wanted that intent focus directed at himself. How would it feel to be the center of Spock's complete attention like that? He knew one way to find out. He could just turn to Spock and say. "I love you, and I want you." That would get his attention all right. Kirk sighed and blew on the hot beverage in his mug. Then he sipped at it again. The temperature was becoming tolerable. 

"Jim," Spock said suddenly. He licked his lips to get rid of some cream at the corner of his mouth. Kirk looked away from the pointed tongue with difficulty and met his friend's gaze. 

"Yes?" 

"Why did you wish to bring me here? I am at a loss to find a suitable explanation. It has puzzled me greatly since you first asked me."

"We've spent shore leaves together before," Kirk replied, a little defensively.

"That is true." Spock agreed. The fire crackled and a rush of sparks rose and disappeared up the chimney as one of the logs fell. 

Kirk waited for Spock to continue and while he did so, he watched the play of shadows on the Vulcan's face. The sharp, aristocratic lines softened in the light from the flames. His face seemed strangely more human in the orange-yellow glow. It reminded Kirk of the fact that Spock indeed was half-human; something they both often forgot. Everything about Spock's appearance was so Vulcan; his looks, his mannerisms and his physique. Still, half of him was a descendant of Amanda. Was there nothing of his mother in Spock at all? 

"I do not believe we have ever spent a shore leave in this manner before. This is a significant holiday on Earth; a holiday devoted to family." 

"Uh-huh," Kirk replied, not taking his eyes off the Vulcan's face. Spock didn't seem to notice. He sighed and drank the last of his cocoa. Carefully, as not to touch his friend accidentally, he turned and put the cup back on the table behind them. Spock looked up, clearly expecting a more elaborate answer to his question. Kirk knew they could talk about almost anything, Spock had proved that to him time and again, but feelings were difficult, and what he was about to say certainly involved feelings. 

"You're my best friend. Don't you know that?" 

Spock looked at him again. He didn't reply, but they both knew he didn't have to. 

"I am not your family," he commented instead. 

Kirk pulled his legs up and rested his arms against them. He looked into the flames as Spock had done moments earlier. 

"Spock..." he began. His mouth was suddenly dry. "You are my family now," he murmured. The word brother appeared in his mind, but he dismissed it. That certainly wasn't it, and he was quite sure Spock knew that much. They were closer than that, and there was a whole lot more to his feelings for Spock than brotherly love. He was closer to the Vulcan than he'd ever been to his brother Sam, or Gary, or even Bones - however strange it might seem. 

He knew that Spock was familiar with all his quirks, and Spock accepted him completely, flaws and all. They had spent so much time together. Kirk felt like he was not quite complete without Spock, and yet... How little he really, truly knew the Vulcan, and how little Spock truly knew him. Still, Spock was family. He meant it, but how to explain it, so the Vulcan would understand enough, but not too much?

"I have no close blood-relatives left to consider family anymore." He remained silent for a moment as he carefully considered his next words. "You, Bones, Scotty, Uhura and the others... You're the only family I have left, the only family I really care about."

"I see," Spock replied. "However, the others are not here."

"No, " Kirk agreed. Spock always had an uncanny way of getting to the point. "They're not." He turned and looked at his friend. "You're closer to me than any of them and I wanted you here with me." That was enough for now. No more revelations just yet, if ever.

"Why do you ask? Do you feel that I coerced you into coming here?"

Spock sighed and put away his mug of cocoa. "No, Jim. If I did not wish to be here, I would not have come. I am certain my stay here will be... enjoyable. Surely you know this as well?"

Kirk nodded and they remained silent. It seemed to him that Spock was satisfied with his explanation. For that, Kirk was grateful, but it also frightened him. Did Spock have suspicions? He couldn't ask, so he rose from the floor and stretched. 

"I'm tired. I think we'd better crash."

"Crash? I assume what you are referring to is that we should go to bed?" 

Together...

The thought crossed Kirk's mind without warning, and he closed his eyes momentarily. Damn, he had not expected it to be so difficult to control his feelings, or so hard to keep his mind off them. He wished Spock hadn't phrased it quite like that. 

"Yeah, I'm going to go to... sleep. There is only one large bedroom on the upper floor. I hope you don't mind."

"That is acceptable." Spock said. "We have shared sleeping quarters before without incident. You do not snore... much."

Kirk turned to his friend and scowled at him. The disturbing thoughts of a few moments before disappeared like mist in the sun. 

"I'm glad," he replied archly, and left Spock sitting in front of the fire. It seemed he was unwilling to move from the comfortable heat, so Kirk went to the bathroom first.

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

He turned the water up as hot as his skin could tolerate. It relaxed his tense muscles, and he allowed his mind to stray, imagining Spock there with him. He rubbed his face and stood there for several moments, just enjoying the warmth. The spray would probably feel cool to Spock, but it was as hot as he could stand. 

Kirk imagined the Vulcan standing behind him, running passionate, possessive hands over his back and his shoulders; a hard erection pushing against his buttocks, seeking entrance. 

He moaned. He hadn't intended to do this, but being so close to Spock all day had been driving him mad. No duties or obligations had distracted him from enjoying the Vulcan's company and it was taking its toll. His cock had been half-hard even as he had stepped into the shower, and now it was a heavy weight between his legs, insistently demanding his attention. He needed this, badly. 

As if on its own volition, his hand slowly moved over his lower abdomen, imagining Spock's hands touching him intimately, wrapping around his rapidly hardening cock. It felt so good. 

"Good god, Spock," he whispered. 

He ran his hands over the glans once, twice, three times, spreading the pre-ejaculate over the head. Soon, he was caressing himself more purposefully in slow, rhythmic strokes that picked up pace rapidly. He leaned against the wall for support as the pleasure coursed through him, centering in his groin. It had been too long since he made love to anyone. He used to be able get someone to warm his bed long enough to ease the desire he felt for Spock, but lately, even that didn't help. 

Spock. I want you so much... he thought and bit his lip as if that would stop his mind from forming the thoughts. Spock was a telepath; a touch telepath, but still... who knew how much he could pick up? Kirk had to be careful, but the thrill of knowing that Spock was only meters away as he was masturbating made the act even more arousing. 

What if he'd come in here and see me? Would he take his clothes off and join me? Would he sink to his knees and take me into his mouth? What would his tongue feel like? Hot and slick, or rough like a cat's? Would he close his lips eagerly around my cock?

"Oooh!" Kirk moaned softly.

That image nearly sent him over the edge, so he stopped his strokes. He wanted it to last just a little bit longer. It felt too good to rush. Maybe because of the risk, or maybe because of the very real possibility that Spock could hear him? 

He was breathing hard now. The pleasure was so intense that he couldn't hold it off any longer. He was so close, too close... 

He started moving his hand again, feeling the release gathering. He reached down to cup his testicles carefully, scratching them lightly. He threw his head back and let out another soft moan. Would Spock be able to smell him? Would he *know* when he entered the bathroom? The tickling sensation and the tightening in his groin told him that he would come. Now. 

Again, he closed his eyes and imagined Spock on his knees, sucking him completely into his hot mouth, licking him with an agile, pointed tongue... 

Kirk came violently, semen spurting over his hands and the shower wall. He bit back a scream at the very last second. 

Spock!

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

"It's all yours," he said as he came out. He felt slightly guilty and apprehensive now, but it was too late for guilt. What was done, was done.

"Thank you," Spock answered politely and disappeared into the bathroom. Kirk went upstairs to make sure that they had enough covers. There were two large beds, or more like cots. They were built into the walls and much broader than a normal sized bed. Kirk remembered how he had brought a few women to the cabin in his youth. They had been suitably impressed with the comfort and his efforts to make them feel at home. 

What had he been thinking, bringing Spock here? 

He couldn't just seduce his first officer to get rid of the burning need that he had buried so deep inside him, he thought he could dismiss it. Still, seducing Spock was the idea that had been on his mind ever since he made the invitation. Only now, he consciously admitted it to himself. 

"Good God," he muttered. "I can't believe I did that!" He slumped down on one of the beds, rubbing his face with his hands. He sighed, and decided he would give it a try. Eventually. Not tonight, maybe not even tomorrow night, but he would. He knew himself that well. 

Determinedly, he rose from the bed and pulled the covers aside to allow the air in the cabin to warm the sheets. The beds were supplied with down comforters and the temperature was now quite pleasant, even for a Vulcan. He was convinced Spock would sleep comfortably, but just to make sure, he went downstairs again to add more wood to the fire. As he rose to his feet, finished, Spock emerged from the bathroom. Kirk's breath nearly caught in his throat. 

Spock had changed into something that could only be considered a pair of pajamas, but what pajamas... Black, satiny, with Vulcan symbols embroidered on the chest. Spock's hair was wet and a little ruffled as if he hadn't bothered to comb it after his shower. He looked absolutely... irresistible. 

"Spock... " Kirk whispered. He couldn't have stopped the word if his life had depended on it. He cleared his throat and repeated firmly: "Spock, you can bring the blanket with you if you think you will be cold."

"I am confident that the comforter in my bed will be sufficient," Spock replied calmly. "Jim, are you feeling well?" he continued with a puzzled look on his face. 

"Yeah, Spock, I'm fine... I'm fine. I'm just tired, that's all." 

"Very well, then I suggest we go to bed." Spock replied. Kirk bit back a groan as he turned toward the stairs and climbed his way back to the loft. If he didn't, he was sure he was going to do something very stupid. Either he would kiss Spock, or tear his clothes off without explanation. 

He couldn't even ask Spock not to say things like that. That would require too much explaining. Like telling the Vulcan that the words had given him a raging hard-on for instance. That, after he had masturbated himself into a mind-blowing orgasm only a half-hour ago. He was sure that would silence Spock, or make him decide to go back to LA and transport back to the Enterprise immediately. 

So, he kept silent. With his back turned to Spock, he stripped very quickly and crawled underneath the covers. His erection didn't subside for a very long time, and once he finally fell asleep, his dreams allowed him little rest. 

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

Kirk awoke the next day only to find that Spock had already gotten out of bed. It was Christmas Eve. Did Spock know the true significance of this day? Had Amanda been interested in trying to uphold Earth holidays at all in her Vulcan home? Even if she'd wanted to, knowing Sarek, Kirk doubted it had been easy. 

He pulled on a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt and walked downstairs. Spock was standing in the kitchenette, fully dressed and quite busy preparing breakfast. Kirk glanced around the living room, where the bearskin rug was still lying in front of the fireplace. Another fire was burning and the warmth spread through the room. It was quite comfortable walking around barefoot, Kirk decided. As he looked around the cabin, he noticed some discrepancies. The room was littered with things that most certainly had not been there the day before. Boxes, large ones and small ones, were strewn all over the sofa and the coffee table. It appeared Spock had been busy. 

"Spock?" Kirk said. 

"Yes?" The Vulcan glanced at him, trying to look innocent.

"Don't give me that look! What's all this?" 

"I awoke early," Spock explained. "I decided to investigate what a Christmas holiday involves. It was most interesting. It appears that the true origin of this holiday has been forgotten. It has turned into a family gathering, whereas from the beginning it was a religious event."

"Yeah," Kirk said absentmindedly. "But what has that got to do with all this... stuff?" 

"Please investigate for yourself," Spock said with anticipation in the dark eyes. 

...Tree ornaments, candles, different foods and what most certainly looked like beautifully wrapped Christmas gifts, filled the boxes. 

"The postal service beamed these in approximately two hours ago," Spock said, indicating a large box with Christmas gifts. "I believe they are from the crew."

"I see." Kirk said. He was quite sure the office had beamed his gifts in at the same time. He wondered if there was something for him in there, from Spock. 

"It is quite intriguing, this habit of exchanging gifts," the Vulcan said, sounding almost wistful.

"Spock, how long have you been up?"

"4.2 hours," the Vulcan coolly replied and straightened, as if he suddenly noticed that he was not his normal detached self. When Kirk didn't answer, he continued. "It was getting cold. This was a way to occupy myself."

"You couldn't sleep?" Kirk said teasingly. 

Spock ignored the question. "From the studies I made, our objective today would be to find a suitable pine tree to go with these ornaments. Am I correct?" 

"Uh-huh." 

"These ... stockings should be placed at the fireplace? Then Santa Claus will fill them with gifts?" Spock's tone was serious, but Kirk could see the faint, humorous glint in his eyes. 

"Right.... "

"Tomorrow morning, we shall spend our time in front of the fireplace opening these gifts."

"Yeah, that's the idea," Kirk nodded and he couldn't stop the chuckle that threatened. "Good God, Spock. When you decide to do something you don't do half-measures, do you?" 

"Have you ever known me not to be thorough, Captain?" Spock said gravely. 

"No, Mr. Spock. I haven't. All right. So what do you say we get some breakfast, get dressed and go outside to find the perfect Christmas tree? Does that sound acceptable to you?"

"Indeed. I shall sacrifice myself and get out into the cold."

From Kirk's point of view it didn't seem like much of a sacrifice. Spock's eyes were glowing. He was as enthusiastic about this as he was over a new scientific discovery. 

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

"It is crooked," Spock said, with the same mildly disapproving voice that he'd used the last umpteenth times Kirk had selected a fir that he found perfectly suitable. 

"All the trees are crooked. There isn't *one* in this entire forest that is completely straight, Spock!"

The Vulcan stopped and looked around once more. "I am quite certain we shall find the right tree momentarily," he said. 

"Spock! Aren't you getting cold? We've been out here for hours. I'm not even sure I can find my way back to the house!" 

"Do not concern yourself, Jim. I know precisely how to find the path back to the cabin."

"Not if you're a frozen block of ice," Kirk muttered under his breath. 

Spock lifted a questioning eyebrow at him. Kirk was quite sure Spock had heard him. Those pointed Vulcan ears weren't just attractive; they were useful, too. 

"Nothing," he muttered. "What about that one?" 

Spock looked to where he pointed. A few meters away there was a straight, quite dense pine. At least it was straight to Kirk's eyes. One could obviously not be sure where Spock was concerned. He seemed to have very specific requirements on the perfect Christmas tree. Kirk waited while the Vulcan wandered over to it and surveyed it closely for quite some time, then he nodded curtly and Kirk let out a sigh of relief. 

"This one is adequate," Spock commented. 

"Finally! You know; it really doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be the best tree in the world. It can be a little crooked or... "

"This one is not crooked and the branches are aesthetically pleasing. They are not straggling everywhere." 

"All right, then we'll take this one with us, okay?" 

"Are you quite sure we should cut it down?" Spock queried and his face turned as close to a frown as Kirk had ever seen it. 

"Spock, don't go all environmentalist on me here! Not after looking for the perfect tree for four hours. I promise we will cut it up and make a nice fire out of it before we go back home and not just throw it away."

Spock looked uncertain for another moment. Then he seemed to make a decision. "Very well then."

Kirk hurried before Spock changed his mind once more. He brought out the laser saw and cut the tree down. Moments later they helped each other drag the tree through the woods all the way back to the cabin. It was really quite touching, Kirk thought, the way Spock was getting into the holiday spirit. 

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

Setting the tree up with the foot that lay in one of the boxes was a... fascinating experience. Spock was just as stubborn with this. The tree was supposed to stand straight. Kirk had never managed to get a Christmas tree to stand straight as long as he lived. 

Spock did though. 

"If you're going to be as prickly with the ornaments, I think I'm going to sit here, in the sofa watching you do it," Kirk said exasperatedly when Spock was finally content. 

"I believe putting the ornaments on the tree is supposed to be a family event. You told me I was your family, so I suggest we do it together."

Spock's logic was flawless as usual, Kirk decided, and rose from the sofa. 

"All right, all right," he said. Chuckling, he flung his hands in the air. "You win, but don't get on my case if I don't hang the garlands on the exact right branches."

"It would never occur to me to do such a thing," Spock said archly. 

Actually, putting the ornaments on the tree turned out to be a wonderful experience. Spock stubbornly tried to hide the warm glimmer in his eyes, but Kirk saw it and his chest tightened. 

"Didn't Amanda ever try and celebrate Christmas on Vulcan?" he asked softly.

"Unfortunately not," Spock replied as he was methodically putting a silver garland on the tree. "However, I have read about Earth customs, such as Christmas, New Year's, Easter and even more unfamiliar ones such as the Solstice and Valborg."

"Valborg?"

"A ceremony celebrated in the part of Earth that used to be the northern parts of Europe, such as Germany and Scandinavia. They used to build large bonfires in the spring, to keep witches away, as it were." Spock's eyebrow lifted. 

"Witches?"

"Indeed. I prefer the explanation that they used these to keep the predators away from their cattle when they first let them out in the spring."

Kirk smiled. "Why didn't you ever celebrate these holidays on Vulcan, Spock?" he asked softly. 

"My father is Vulcan. To him, these holidays seem very illogical. Why celebrate something that has nothing to do with our world or even the Vulcan calendar?"

"Hmm, I can see why Sarek would say that."

"He was right."

"Didn't you ever miss these things?"

"No." Spock replied. "One cannot miss what one does not know."

Still Kirk could see that Spock was enjoying this. He was just hanging a shining red ball on one of the branches, the glittering bulb seeming so delicate in his large hands. Then they were finished. 

"Are you ready?" Kirk said as he bent down to plug the lights in. 

"Indeed." Spock said. 

Kirk didn't look at the tree as the lights went on. He looked at Spock's face and marveled at the quiet awe in the normally so impassive face. The changes on his features were subtle and maybe no one else would have seen them, but he did, and it did something to him. Was he completely insane to hope that Spock had any feelings toward him that even resembled what he felt? Was he a fool? Would he destroy a brilliant friendship instead of bringing it to another level?

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

That night they both fell into bed exhaustedly. Walking through the woods had taken a lot out of them physically, and mentally. Kirk was beat. He had to wake up some time during the night to put the small gifts in the socks they had hung next to the fireplace... He smiled and drifted off to sleep 

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

Something roused him. He wasn't quite sure what. He glanced over at Spock. The Vulcan was sleeping contentedly in his cot. The moon shone through the triangular window and the light bathed his friend's face in a white, almost silvery light. Spock was beautiful where he was lying, and he realized suddenly that he had never seen Spock sleep like this, deeply and contentedly, as if nothing could disturb him. Other times when they had shared sleeping space it had been on missions where Spock seemed to keep one eye open at all times. Now, he was relaxed, and Kirk couldn't believe how much younger he seemed this very moment. The mouth was slightly open and Spock left arm was folded underneath his head where he was resting on his side. He wasn't snoring, or even breathing loudly. 

My God, Spock, you are the most beautiful person I've known... I don't think I could survive losing you.... and yet, I can't stand being so close to you... I have to do this... I have to tell you the truth. Is that selfish, is it cruel of me to want more when you are already giving me so much?

Kirk closed his eyes momentarily and then he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and padded over to the stairs. He shuddered. The fire had gone out so he might as well start a new one. Spock would be cold otherwise. 

Spock... 

Determinedly, he pushed the thoughts away and built a new fire, and then got to his task, rummaging around among the boxes still on the sofa. He found the one with the gifts he had bought. 

He pulled out several very small packages and grinned. Some of them were jokes, others were things he knew the Vulcan would sincerely appreciate and some were just practical gifts he knew that his friend needed. He stuffed the sock and turned to leave when he saw the other sock, hanging there with his name on it. It was silly how he felt like a kid when he saw that it, too, was stuffed with small packets. The Vulcan had already been up. Were there any from Spock in his sock? There had to be. Why else would he have bothered to get out of bed to fill it? 

He wouldn't ruin this by peeking, even if it were tempting. Instead he walked back to the boxes, yawning hugely. He wanted to get back to bed, but first he would put the other gifts under the tree. He pulled out the things he'd gotten for Spock and rummaged around until he found the box with the gifts from Bones, Uhura and the others. Kirk grinned. This was a tradition he never wanted to break... but there was one other too... 

Again, he searched the box. This should have given him a clue when he packed if nothing else had, he thought wryly to himself, but it wasn't until he arrived here that he actually admitted to what he had planned. And still, he packed this into the box. Why? 

He chuckled and a stab of anticipation in his stomach. Should he or shouldn't he? 

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

Next morning Kirk awoke when Spock shook him carefully. He blinked against the brightness of the candle his friend was holding. 

"Jim, wake up. It is morning."

"No kidding?" Kirk groused. "What time is it?" 

"Approximately 5.45 hours," the Vulcan replied. 

"My God, Spock. It's not even six o'clock."

"That is what I said." 

"I don't want to get up at this ungodly hour."

Not unless you have something very interesting in mind...

"According to my research, people do get up 'ungodly' early on Christmas Day, due to eagerness to open their Christmas gifts. Additionally, there is a holovid program on the HV at 6 o'clock. It is the Christmas cartoons with Donald Duck and his friends. I was informed that everybody on Earth watches it every Christmas morning. It is ... tradition, and has been for many years."

"Spock. That's for families with children." 

"Indeed?" 

"Yeah." Kirk turned around and squinted at Spock, who was standing by his bed. He closed his eyes. If only... 

"I had not realized. You do not wish to view this then?"

"Oh, all right."

He felt a familiar eagerness rise in his chest. Curiosity of what was in his gifts and nostalgia at once again watching the cartoons on the HV as he always did when he was a child. He remembered how he and Sam would get up at five in the morning, dragging their pillows and comforters with them to the sofa. Buried in those, they'd watch Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse and Ricky Reptilian as they celebrated Christmas. 

"Who am I to argue with tradition?" Kirk said and swung his legs over the bed. "Bring your cover and your pillow."

Spock's face clearly showed his confusion. "Are we not supposed to get dressed?"

"Nope," Kirk said and grinned. "If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right. Get your pillow and your cover and we'll take it down to the sofa, snuggle up in those and watch the Donald Duck special on the HV before we open our gifts."

"Very well," Spock said and padded over to his bed. 

Why do I keep doing this to myself? He's gorgeous in those pajamas. Black suits him well. He looks like a dark, seductive elf; a creature of Christmas as much as anything I ever saw.

Kirk dragged his eyes off Spock and pulled the cover and his pillow out of bed and carried them downstairs. Quickly, he snuggled up in the sofa, burying himself neck-deep in the down comforter, refusing to show exactly what the Vulcan did to him. Then he turned on the HV and yawned hugely. Spock sat beside him, rather close. The sofa was big enough for the both of them, but Kirk supposed that the temperature in the room was a bit low for Spock, so he allowed the closeness without a word. 

It was nice sitting there in front of the HV with Spock. Feeling the warmth that radiated from his warm-blooded friend, and listening to the rather amusing commentary coming from the Vulcan at particularly illogical turns and twists in the cartoons was enjoyable. He laughed, feeling faintly ridiculous and childish. A familiar ache grew in his chest when he thought about Sam and him watching this as kids. Sam had been dead for a few years, but it still hurt to think about him. Now the pain was bittersweet.

"Spock," he whispered. The Vulcan's eyes were glued to the HV. No laughs were forthcoming, but a curious look had settled on the stoic features, and he was watching with rapt attention. The black hair was impeccable as always although he had just gotten out of bed. Kirk wanted to run his fingers through it. 

"Yes?" The Vulcan turned toward him, the black eyes glimmering in the lights from the Christmas tree. 

"Thanks... for joining me here. You don't know how much that means to me." 

"On the contrary, Jim. I believe I do know how much it means to you," said the Vulcan sincerely, not letting go of his gaze. 

Spock was so close, so close... Kirk could feel his own breathing quickening in time with his heartbeats. The erection he had been trying to hide earlier hardened anew. Forgotten were the cartoons, and Donald Duck's hoarse arguing with his nephews. The sounds from the HV drifted away. All Kirk would have to do was lean forward and he could press his lips against that sensual mouth. He could kiss Spock if he wanted to. Was it worth it, was this the opportunity he had been waiting for? 

Suddenly the moment was broken and Spock turned his attention to the HV again. Kirk let out a deep, disappointed sigh. He could only hope that he would get another chance before it was too late. He had never been so scared of taking the first step before. The reasons were many. Never before had the person he wanted meant so much to him. Women had come and gone in and out of his life in a long, anonymous parade. There were very few of them that had been special, and none of them meant as much to him as Spock did. He couldn't just take the Vulcan to his bed, provided Spock even wanted to share it, and then forget about it. The women had never left any doubts in his mind whether they wanted him as much as he wanted them. It had never been an issue. 

With Spock, it was different. Spock was his best friend, a friendship he valued beyond anything in his life. On top of that the Vulcan was his first officer. If Spock requested a transfer, he didn't know if he could go on as captain of the Enterprise. What if that was the outcome if he revealed to Spock how he truly felt? Was it worth risking all that to tell Spock that he loved him, and that he loved him in a sexual way? 

"Jim?"

Kirk started. 

"What?"

"I think it is time to open our gifts."

Kirk had been so deep into his thoughts that he hadn't noticed that the cartoons were over. 

"All right. Where do we begin?" 

"I believe that delivering the gifts once at a time would be prudent," Spock said logically. "If I begin by giving you a present from the pile, then you open it and once you are done, you proceed by giving one, until it is empty."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Let me start."

"Very well." 

Kirk couldn't help but smile when he saw the air of anticipation in the black eyes. The pile under the tree was quite impressive. The socks by the fireplace were stuffed as well. 

"Okay," Kirk said. "Here's one for you from Nyota." 

It was a small package with bright-red wrappings and golden ribbons. Spock opened it slowly and methodically, until finally he had the gift in his lap. It was a box of Bolian chocolates and a card. 

"What does it say?" Kirk prompted.

"It reads. Merry Christmas, Spock. This is a time of indulgence, so please let yourself enjoy these, Nyota."

"That sounds like good advice to me," Kirk said and grinned. 

"Indeed." But Spock did not open the box. Instead, he got out of the sofa and crouched in front of the tree. Kirk's eyes were glued to his friend. Kirk found that seeing him barefoot was a more erotic sight than a dancing Orion slave-girl. He'd never seen Spock without footwear, in a pair of black, sexy pajamas that clung to his body in all the right places before. He tore his gaze away. He ought to be ashamed of himself the way he devoured the lean form with his eyes at every opportunity. How uncomfortable would it make Spock if he caught him staring like that? Kirk closed his eyes for a moment. 

"This is for you, from Bones," Spock said and handed over a gift. Kirk didn't have to open it to know that it was some kind of liquor. 

"Ah, trust Bones to save the day, eh?" Kirk said and laughed. He opened it impatiently, tearing the wrapping and the ribbons off the package in hurried movements, throwing the paper on the floor. 

"Such waste," Spock said with mild disapproval in his voice. 

"It is, but it is the way it should be done, Spock. You have to get into the spirit of things. One doesn't open the gifts carefully and fold the paper to be used again. It's supposed to be torn off, quickly and with abandon."

Spock tilted his head and Kirk could see the amusement shine in his eyes. 

"I will endeavor to get 'into the spirit of things' with my next gift," he promised. 

"Good! Oh, look at this. It's Terran Champagne. It will be perfect for us to make a toast for the coming year on New Year's Eve. The old devil is quite considerate after all."

Spock just lifted an eyebrow at that. 

"All right," Kirk said. "Now it's my turn. I think I'll choose one of my gifts for you." He rummaged around under the Christmas tree and muttered. "Nope, not that one... and not that one either... Ah, yes, there it is!" 

Then he pulled out a gift, wrapped in shining, green paper and red ribbons. 

"There you go. I though these might be good while you're here at the cabin."

Kirk's heart constricted when he saw the faint smile in the corner of Spock's mouth. It seemed that whatever Kirk had bought for him, the Vulcan appreciated the thought. And this time, he did tear off the paper quickly and tossed it on the floor in a careless gesture. 

"I assume cleaning is a part of Christmas as well?" he said.

"Yeah, burning wrapping-paper is part of this holiday," Kirk agreed as he watched the Vulcan intently. Inside was a pair of blue jeans; stonewashed Levi's, to be exact. 

"I hope they fit," Kirk said and wrinkled his brows. 

"There is only one way to find out," Spock said and rose to his feet. Without further ado he dropped his pajama pants and stepped out of them. 

It wasn't the first time he had seen Spock without his pants on. It wasn't the first time he'd seen him change clothes, but somehow, this time it was different. It was intimate, and Kirk could feel the blush creep up on his face as he watched the Vulcan put the blue jeans on. And still he couldn't look away. 

"These fastenings are somewhat inconvenient," Spock said after a moment.

"They can be a bit difficult when the jeans are completely new. It'll get better." 

"I believe I need assistance," Spock said as he struggled to button his fly. 

"Oh come on, Spock..." Kirk protested, but relented as he saw the look of mild frustration in the dark brown eyes. He rose from the couch and helped the Vulcan button his pants. The closeness was driving him mad. He could feel the warmth radiating from Spock, he could smell the faint fragrance of the Vulcan's skin. The scent itself reminded Kirk of Christmas and cinnamon was the closest similarity he could think of. He could hear Spock's slightly accelerated breathing. He looked up, and caught the Vulcan staring at him. 

"Spock?" he whispered. 

"Yes... Jim?" Spock's voice was low, and intimate. It rumbled through his chest, an octave lower than Kirk was used to, and it sent chills down his spine. He straightened and pulled back a little. 

"Do they fit all right?" 

"I believe so."

"Turn around and let me look at you."

Spock did and Kirk let out a gasp. They fit perfectly. They were snug and tight in all the right places. Oh, heavens... 

"I'd say they fit just fine, Spock," Kirk said hoarsely. "You look good."

Good enough to eat.

He'd never had such a good look at Spock's backside before. The jeans clung tightly to the Vulcan's very shapely, taut buttocks, outlining their curve perfectly. And the legs, the man's legs... Kirk could see himself running greedy hands over those powerful thighs, lying himself down between them... Those jeans fit even better than the pajamas Spock had been wearing. Good God, Kirk thought, this is not a pair of jeans, it is a torturing device. What have I done? Then he looked up and met Spock's eyes. It became clear to him then that his face must have revealed everything. Years of carefully kept secrets were out in the open. Spock's eyes were bright with the realization. 

Kirk's mouth was completely dry and he didn't know what to say. Instead of trying to defend himself or explain, he just turned on his heel and moved toward the kitchen. He just had to get away, to collect himself and to think about how to react to this and what to say. He hadn't meant to reveal himself like that. He had planned to take it easy and explain to his friend, slowly and carefully. Now, the decision had been stolen from him and he felt utterly naked and vulnerable. As he stood in the doorway to the kitchen, the Vulcan's voice stopped him dead in his tracks. 

"Jim."

It was as effective as if Spock had screamed at him to stop, and Kirk froze right there. It took all the will power in the world to turn around. 

"I believe," the Vulcan said huskily, and looked at him with a strange brightness in his eyes. "That it is customary to kiss someone who is standing under mistletoe." 

Kirk swallowed then. His heart was beating fast and he met Spock's eyes, as the Vulcan moved closer. 

"Ah... . You don't have to do this," he protested weakly. 

But I hope to God that you will. If you kiss me now, I will die happy. Just once... 

"I am aware of that, Jim," Spock said and moved closer. Soon, the Vulcan was standing mere inches away, still not touching him. Kirk could just feel the familiar heat coming toward him from the warmer body. He felt like his knees would buckle and he swallowed again. Then, as Spock leaned forward to press a sensual mouth to his, Kirk reached out to hold the Vulcan off and he moaned softly. 

"Spock, you don't know what this will do to me."

"I believe I do know, Jim," Spock said softly. "I may not be the most experienced in these matters, but I do recognize the feeling in your eyes."

"And what feeling is that?"

"Look at me, Jim."

Kirk did, and he gasped, because in the eyes of his best friend he could see love and a soul-deep passion directed at him. 

"Your eyes mirror my own," Spock said huskily. 

The kiss was not at all like Kirk had expected. He had kissed many people in his life. Both men and women, but nothing had ever prepared him for the surge of need and the near-pain he felt when Spock's lips touched his. 

A barrier he hadn't known was there crumbled. Tension bled out of him. For years he'd felt this love, this desire and this overwhelming need, but fear of rejection, fear of ruining something precious made him hold his feelings back and now, as they poured out into the open, they were painful. He clung to Spock's thin shoulders with a desperate grip. The slender body pushed him up against the frame of the door and the edges dug into his back and he gasped. He didn't feel it; he didn't care. Everything that mattered was the soft, sweet pressure of Spock's mouth against his. He opened his mouth and licked the Vulcan's lips greedily, demanding entrance, and Spock granted it. Kirk's legs nearly gave way under him as pure lust coursed through his veins and he moaned. Their lips met again and again in hungry kisses. Slowly, wetly, they kissed. Kirk felt like he couldn't get enough as his fingers dug into thick, black hair

"Spock, wait... wait," he whispered desperately. Spock pulled away and looked at him cautiously as if expecting rejection. "I can't... We can't... You... God, Spock... I want you. Don't you understand? I want you so much!"

Kirk still couldn't believe that the Vulcan knew what he was getting himself into. But Spock was pressed tightly against him and Kirk could feel the hardness. Spock's erection was pushing into his hip, hard as rock and insistent. It undid him. He would never protest again. He moaned and tried to pull the Vulcan's face back down to him. Spock smiled then, only a short, ghostly smile, but it was there. 

"Jim."

"Yes?"

"You talk excessively."

Kirk couldn't reply. Spock's mouth was demanding and he allowed it, yielded to it. He wanted to get closer to that passionate body, so he pulled Spock with him as he stepped into the kitchen. He sat on the counter and spread his legs. Spock moved in between them and ran warm hands down his back. Kirk moaned. The hot palms against his shoulder blades slid further down to his lower back and into his pajama pants to cup his buttocks. His mind was reeling. He'd longed for this for so long, to feel Spock's hands touching him, caressing him like this. It was incredible. 

He sucked the Vulcan's tongue into his mouth, tasting the faint remnants of toothpaste, savoring the alien slickness of the probing tongue. Spock moaned and it went straight to Kirk's gut. He wanted to hear that sound again, and as he pulled back and buried his face in the crook of Spock's neck, licking eagerly and kissing his way to the delicate, pointed ear, he was rewarded with another strangled moan. 

"Jim... "

Spock rocked his hips and flames of pleasure licked their way up the insides of his thighs and to his groin. He arched against Spock, rubbing his steel hard erection against the Vulcan's cock, trapped inside the Levi's. Kirk pulled away a little and looked down between them. The new jeans were taut around the crotch.

"That looks uncomfortable," Kirk whispered. 

"They do feel somewhat restrictive." 

Kirk ran his hand over the bulge, scratching with his nails, and then he cupped Spock's erection in his hand and squeezed a bit. 

Spock gasped. "You are not improving upon the situation, Jim." 

"I know," Kirk said and smiled. "But you are so sexy like this, you have no idea."

"Tell me," Spock said; his voice rough with feeling. "Tell me what you find attractive about me, Jim. I wish to know." 

"Oh, Spock," Those passionate, pleading words from Spock were the most erotic thing he'd ever heard, but telling Spock wasn't as easy as he thought. 

"Spock, there are so many things..."

"Tell me."

Spock buried his head in the crook of his neck, so Kirk couldn't see the expression on his friend's face. He leaned forward and inhaled the scent of the newly washed hair. It smelled like pine trees and Spock. So good. 

"Oh, you smell good," he whispered. 

Spock buried his head deeper and Kirk could feel the Vulcan's lips nibbling along his neck up toward his ear. The caress sent flames of desire through his body, to his groin and made it difficult to think. 

"You smell good also, Jim, and you taste even more delicious."

Kirk tried to remember what he was about to say. 

"Your intelligence," he murmured. " You're so smart. I love that about you."

Spock looked up at him then, and Kirk just realized what he'd said. It felt so right though. He did love that about Spock, so he continued; his voice a little softer. 

"Your loyalty. You've never let me down."

"That is not entirely correct."

"But it is." Spock looked like he was going to protest again, but Kirk simply put his index finger on the Vulcan's lips to silence him. "The few times I haven't been able to rely on you, there have been other forces at play beyond your control. If at all possible, you're always there when I need you, no matter what happens. I trust you, Spock, more than any other person I know."

"The feeling is mutual, Jim," Spock whispered. 

"I know."

Kirk smiled. 

"Your eyes, the way you look at me right now, and the tips of your ears."

Spock lifted an eyebrow at him. 

"They are sexy..." Kirk leaned forward to lick his way up the Vulcan's throat. Spock closed his eyes and tilted his head to give him better access. The skin was soft underneath Kirk's exploring tongue and the taste was faintly coppery, not the familiar tang of salt and sweat that he was used to. Kirk couldn't get enough of that coppery taste. It was all Spock, as unique as the man himself. He moved to the earlobe, sucking it into his mouth briefly before moving upward again. "They are sexy because they are you," Kirk whispered. His tongue flicked out to touch the utmost tip of Spock's ear. The Vulcan moaned and the hands at Kirk's hips gripped him almost painfully. 

"Do you like that?" he asked. 

"Yes, Jim. It is ... arousing." 

"Your hands, Spock, the long fingers and the strength I know they possess, and the thought of them touching my face in preparation for a mind-meld is just as arousing as your cock pressing into mine." 

Spock's eyes snapped open at that and the Vulcan pulled back a little. Kirk frowned. 

"What is it?"

"The mind-meld," Spock said. 

"What about it?"

"You wish to have sexual intercourse with me, do you not, Jim?" Spock asked.

Kirk stifled a moan at that. "Yes, I want it very much. Don't you?"

"Indeed, but there is an obstacle. We have to discuss this before we go any further. I had not anticipated such a quick response to my advances, Jim. I had not expected you to want this so soon."

"What's wrong? Tell me."

The Vulcan moved closer and brushed a large, but surprisingly gentle hand against Kirk's cheek. He leaned into the caress and savored it and reached out to pull Spock back into his arms. 

"Hold me, while you tell me, Spock. You're scaring me here."

"I apologize. It is not my intention, but this is a very serious thing."

Spock leaned forward and rested his head against the human's shoulder, and his grip around Kirk's waist hardened again.

"It is difficult to speak of this now," Spock said and his breath caught in his throat. "I am half-human, I have human desires, and I want you entirely as much as you want me, Jim. It is making this more difficult for me than it should have to be." 

Kirk chuckled wryly. "What you're trying to tell me is that you have something important to talk to me about, but that your brain is fried because you're horny?"

"Indeed, Jim. I am very sexually aroused. Can you not feel it?" Spock said seriously and pressed closer to him. The bulge in his jeans had not diminished. 

"Oh yeah, Spock, I can feel it. Now get to the point before I lose it," Kirk demanded breathlessly.

"We cannot ever meld again if we have sex, Jim." 

"All right, Spock. Do we have to talk about this now?" Kirk said. "I just want to make love to you, right now. Can we talk about the meld thing later?" 

Spock tensed. "You have to be clear about this. It is important. If we mate physically and we meld again, we will be bonded, even if it is a meld in the line of duty. I will not be able to prevent it."

"Bonded as in 'parted and never parted, touching and always touched'? 'Less than a marriage but more than a betrothal', the way you and T'Pring were bonded?"

"No, that is not entirely the same. T'Pring and I were linked from birth, we weren't yet bonded. A bonding is for life, Jim."

"What is the problem?" Kirk felt that like he was treading water, not getting anywhere. Was Spock warning him because he didn't want this to happen, or was the Vulcan afraid that he wouldn't want it? 

"If you do not see any problems with it, Jim, maybe you have not thought it through properly?" Spock said and there was pain in the dark eyes now. "Do you really wish to be bonded to me for life? I know how you feel at this very moment. I know that you want me, and desire me at present, but what of the rest of your life? I have never known you to stay with one and the same person for very long. I... I do not wish to prevent you from forming a family." 

"The same goes for you, Spock," Kirk said shakily at the seriousness in Spock's voice. "Don't you want children? A wife and a family?" 

"No, Jim. All I want is right here before me."

Kirk didn't know what to say then. His heart constricted. It was as if all his dreams had come true, right at this very moment. Once he had it all within reach, he didn't know what to do with it. So, he simply swallowed and pulled the lithe body to him, wrapping his legs around the slender waist, holding Spock close and whispering his name, over and over again. 

"Spock, oh god, Spock." His voice broke and he didn't care. "Spock. Don't you know? I'd do anything for you. I'd... Without you, nothing else matters. I want you to meld with me, I want us to make love, in every way possible. The Vulcan way, and the human way, I belong to you." His arms tightened around Spock and he couldn't have let go if his life depended on it. Cautiously, the Vulcan's arms wrapped around his waist and held him tightly back. A sigh came from Spock then. 

"I had not expected this, Jim. Are you certain? Because once I have joined us, there is no turning back." 

Kirk lifted his head then, and looked Spock in the eye. 

"Are *you* sure?" 

"Yes, Jim. I am sure. I have desired this for quite some time." 

"All right then," Kirk said seriously and met the Vulcan's black eyes. "I could think of nothing I'd rather want. Come on."

He pushed Spock from him gently, and jumped down from the kitchen counter. Suddenly it all seemed so precious and so raw. He couldn't imagine making love to Spock for the first time in the kitchen, which was all he'd wanted only moments ago. Now, he wanted it to be special, and he reached for the Vulcan's hand. Together they went to the living room and Kirk crouched in front of the fireplace to stoke the fire. When he was done, he would make love to Spock. He let out a sigh. 

He looked over his shoulder and it seemed the Vulcan had read his mind because he spread one of the down comforters on the floor on top of the fake bearskin rug and threw the pillows on the floor. When he was done, he disappeared into the bathroom for a moment. Kirk wondered why, but when Spock came back he was carrying a small tube of lubricant. Kirk flushed a little, and was about to moan aloud when he realized the implications of that simple action. Their gazes met and held. As he looked into the Vulcan's fiery eyes, he wondered whether Spock wanted to be on top. He swallowed at the images that flashed through his mind. Feeling the Vulcan penetrating him, what would that be like? Or what would it feel like if he were to take Spock? His erection hardened further at the thought. It was rather strange to be planning their first lovemaking like this but somehow it didn't feel awkward. If Spock hadn't kissed him underneath the mistletoe, where would he be now? Kirk decided he didn't want to think about it. 

"Come," Spock whispered hoarsely. "The fire will tend to itself."

Kirk realized he had been sitting there for quite some time, so he rose to his feet-

"Are you having second thoughts?" 

"None at all, Spock. I was just thinking that this trip was the best idea I've had in a very long time."

"Without a doubt."

And then they were back to kissing, no more words needed. Spock simply pulled Kirk's pajamas over his head, throwing the clothes haphazardly over the floor. 

"Spock," Kirk chuckled. "You're always so neat. What's gotten into you?"

"Hush, Jim. I'm opening my Christmas gift." Kirk laughed, but his laughter stopped abruptly when their eyes met and Spock continued. "It is the most exquisite gift I have received in my life. You are beautiful." 

"Tell me what you find attractive about me, Spock," Kirk repeated the Vulcan's plea from earlier. And the soft, deep voice acquiesced. 

"Your mind is attractive to me, Jim. Alluring, complex and ever-changing."

Hearing Spock tell him things like that... Oh, he had never even dreamed of hearing such words from the cool Vulcan. 

"Your voice, and the way you express yourself. Illogically, I have found myself wishing you would 'whisper sweet nothings into my ear' as the Earth saying goes, on more than one occasion," Spock admitted ruefully.

"I'll tell you anything you want to hear, Spock. I will tell you how much I want you, what you do to me when you talk like this. I will use any language you want me to, sweet or dirty. Just tell me and return the favor." 

"Your eyes. You have fascinating eyes, Jim. They change color. I have seen them in many moods. When you are angry, they become green, reminiscent of a stormy sea. When you are amused, they turn brighter, as gold." 

Kirk blushed. 

"You're going mushy on me here, Spock," he protested. 

"I speak only the truth."

Spock brushed long fingers across his temples in a feather-light caress, and whispers of another's thoughts tickled against the edges of Kirk's consciousness. He turned around and kissed the fingertips. Spock gasped and his fingers curled into the caress. 

"Oh, yes, Jim," the Vulcan moaned. "No being's touch ever felt like yours. I sought it, welcomed it and nurtured it, each and every time you laid your hands on me. You cannot know." 

"But I do know, Spock," Kirk whispered. "I do know." 

"Your lips against my fingers feel so good...."

Kirk bent his head and let his tongue trail along the Vulcan's index and middle finger, light, soft and moist. 

"Oh, Jim." Spock moaned. Kirk put his arms around the Vulcan's waist to keep him upright. The intense reaction from Spock inflamed him. Kirk eased him down on the down comforter. The Vulcan's breath came in short, ragged gasps. He leaned down over his friend and pulled the black pajama top out of the Levi's. He opened the buttons and spread the garment open, letting his eyes drink in the sight of the deceptively slender torso before him. 

"Spock, you... you are so beautiful," Kirk whispered as he splayed his hand over the softly furred chest, brushing his fingers over the nipples and the stomach. Spock tensed underneath him and Kirk couldn't stop himself from straddling the other's groin. He pressed himself against the hardness there, and Spock moaned again. 

"You are so sensual, I never thought you would be so sensual, Spock," Kirk whispered. "I thought you Vulcans were supposed to be cold and collected."

"You do this to me, t'hy'la. No other could do this to me."

"T'hy'la?" 

Spock opened his eyes and looked at him. 

"Friend," he said and his gaze burned itself deep into Kirk's eyes. 

Kirk's heart constricted in his chest at that intent look on Spock's face. It was as if he was the center of the universe, the most important person in Spock's entire life, as if nothing else even held the slightest bit of interest to him. Now he knew what it felt like to be the focus of his complete attention - it was everything he had wished for, more than he could ever have imagined. Spock then put his hand against Kirk's cheek and caressed him softly. 

"Brother," he said and pulled Kirk down toward him. The Vulcan's hands were grabbing lightly at his shoulders. 

"Lover," he whispered at last, as his face was close enough for Kirk to feel the tickle of the hot Vulcan breath against his mouth. Finally Spock silenced and claimed Kirk's mouth. The words touched something deep inside him. It encompassed all he had ever sought in the person he wanted to share his life with. A friend, family and lover, and here he was, Spock, the part of himself he had been missing. 

"T'hy'la," he whispered, tasting the word, trying it out, watching Spock's face as he said it. The Vulcan's features softened and he knew the word meant more to Spock than he could know. It was a declaration of love, and a promise for the future. Kirk wished there was any word in his native tongue that held so much meaning.

He moved his hands over Spock's chest, reveling at the coarse hairs tickling his palms. The Vulcan's chest was lightly furred, and a trail of hair continued downward, only to disappear at the waistband of his jeans. Kirk ached to open the buttons he had helped close not long ago, but he also wanted this to last. Their first time together was not to be rushed. 

Slowly he lay down on top of Spock, feeling the entire length of the wiry body press against his own. It was exquisite and the sensation of their naked torsos meeting for the first time shot through him like an electric jolt. 

"Spock," he whispered. "Good God, this feels so good."

Spock didn't reply, instead he spread his legs to fit Kirk closer to him and their groins molded themselves together. Kirk gasped and rocked his hips against Spock a couple of times. The Vulcan moved his legs and wrapped them around Kirk's as if that action would get him closer. 

"Jim," he moaned. "I want you to take me." 

Kirk swallowed hard and buried his face in the crook of the other's neck. Spock's husky voice and the plea behind the words heightened his arousal even more, and he knew that he could not refuse Spock anything. Certainly not something he wanted so much himself. 

"Help me undress you, Spock," he whispered and pulled back, watching the man in front of him sit up. The green-tinged skin seemed almost radiant in the glow from the fire. His eyes were dark, almost black, the pupils fully dilated in need and desire. His lips were slightly swollen from their kissing and to Kirk, Spock had never looked so desirable. 

Spock didn't answer, instead he stood to his feet and held onto Kirk's gaze. Very slowly and with a wicked glint in his eyes, he slid the pajama tunic off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor in a carefree gesture. He moved his hands over his chest in provocative caresses to finally rest upon the buttons of his pants. Hips thrust forward seductively and Kirk bit his lip. Painstakingly slowly Spock opened the buttons, one by one and Kirk was entranced. His mouth went completely dry. Spock moved around and pushed the pants over his hips, and down his buttocks. The black briefs followed suit. Kirk's hard cock throbbed. He wanted to touch Spock, but he couldn't move and his hands gripped painfully into his own thighs. He couldn't believe his eyes. Spock was stripping before him, teasing him mercilessly. The jeans soon fell to the floor and Spock lay down on the down comforter, with his legs wide and an inviting look on his face. 

"You're a seductive elf, Spock, do you know that?" Kirk whispered roughly. 

Spock still remained silent and Kirk pulled his clothes off, not at all as slowly and teasingly as Spock had done, but he managed not to rip them off and throw himself on his friend at least. God only knew how much self-control that took. Kirk couldn't stay away. He lowered himself over Spock and was wrapped in a pair of strong arms instantly. They both moaned as the entire length of their bodies touched; naked skin on naked skin from tip to toe for the very first time. 

Spock's breathing was ragged and Kirk buried his face in the crook of his neck. The Vulcan tilted his head to the side to give him better access. Kirk couldn't wait to acquaint himself with the delicious taste of that skin again. His tongue flicked out and he licked and sucked his way down the exposed throat. 

"Jim... please continue, touch me thus again."

He did as asked, bathing the Vulcan's throat with his lips and his tongue eagerly, and Spock let out a soft moan that reverberated through Kirk's body. The strong hands moved impatiently over him, caressing him, kneading his flesh in desperation, to finally cup his ass with a firm grip, pulling him closer. Spock ground his hips against him in encouraging movements again and again. The message came through, loud and clear. Spock wanted him. 

The scent of Spock was filling his nostrils, as he allowed his hands to roam over the hard body beneath him. The skin was soft and dry under his caressing hands. He trailed a path across the Vulcan's shoulders down his sides, to finally insinuate themselves between the hard body and the comforter. He wanted to touch Spock everywhere at the same time. But he had to be content to grab a hold of the taut buttocks, pulling the Vulcan as close to him as he could possibly come. 

Feeling Spock's entire body against his and the hard cock, slick with sweat and semen, rubbing against his was driving him mad. Pleasure rippled through his body, centering in his groin. He moved again and gasped as the Vulcan thrust back eagerly. He leaned his forehead against Spock's, closing his eyes. 

"I want to be inside you," he whispered. 

"Yes." 

Spock reached out and grabbed the tube of lubricant. "I shall help you," he whispered coarsely. 

The mere thought almost undid him. He knew he would come if Spock touched him like that. 

"No, Spock. I will come if you do it for me."

The Vulcan looked into his eyes. "Would that be so bad, Jim?"

He held the gaze and saw the love there. "No," he gasped. "No, I guess not." 

He pulled away to sit down, and leaned back on his arms, spreading his legs wide. He could see his own cock swaying proudly before him. Not overly large, but big enough, hard, slick with pre-ejaculate and very eager. He watched through half-lidded eyes as Spock sat up on his heels as well and poured a healthy amount of lubricant in his hands, warming it carefully. Kirk was biting his lip in anticipation. The mere thought of feeling Spock's hands on his cock made him tremble. The heat was centered in his groin, his balls pulled up tight, ready to pour their content at any second. 

"Lie back, do not fight it so, Jim. We have all night... " Spock said and then silenced. "We have the rest of our lives to enjoy each other like this, t'hy'la. It does not matter if my touch brings you too much pleasure at this moment. You will recover soon."

Kirk knew Spock was right, and he relaxed just a little bit, but when the Vulcan's hot hands finally touched him, he tensed again, the waves of pleasure were incredible. He tried to keep his eyes open and look at those hands caressing him so intimately. Spock's long fingers wrapping around his cock, coating him with lubricant. The caresses were light and careful at first but when Spock apparently realized he would not last anyway, the Vulcan started caressing him more earnestly, not bothering to simply coat his erection. Instead the hand stared fisting him expertly and Kirk moaned. The other hand cupped his balls, caressing them and scratching him carefully with short nails. 

"God, Spock, that is so good. I'm going to come."

"Yes, Jim," Spock said huskily. "I wish to see you." 

Kirk slumped back on the comforter, his arms trembling so much he could no longer keep himself up, and he let go, just lay there, enjoying Spock's touch on him. It was great; it felt so good. He was going to come any second now. The touch on his cock became faster, it was as if Spock could read his mind, knowing what touch would bring the most pleasure even before he knew it himself. It was a perfect caress, like masturbating but better, because it was Spock doing it to him. Spock was holding his hard-on, Spock was bringing him off. Spock... 

"Oh God!" he moaned as he felt the orgasm claim him and he thrust into Spock's hand. The pleasure was so great that dark spots danced before his eyes, his ears buzzed. 

"... good... yes... Spock... so good!" 

He couldn't keep his eyes open no matter how much he wanted to look at Spock as he was coming. But the pleasure of his release was too intense and it drew all strength from him. His body turned lax, felt almost boneless as the waves of pleasure slowly subsided. He couldn't move and he could still feel the warmth of Spock's hands on his body, caressing him gently over his stomach and his thighs. Slowly, he came back to himself and opened his eyes. Spock was looking at him, his gaze still black with desire. 

"Spock," he whispered. 

"Yes, Jim."

"It seems you will be the one who must take me."

"Do you wish it?" Spock asked. 

Kirk relaxed and smiled at his friend. Spock, always putting him first. 

"Yeah, Spock. I do. I really want to feel that gorgeous thing inside me." 

It became obvious to him then that Spock was trembling. He reached out and grabbed the Vulcan's hands and pulled him down on top of him. The Vulcan's warm, smooth body molded itself against his. Spock's hard sex was poking into his hip as he moved and finally settled between his spread legs. Kirk drew his knees up and offered himself willingly. Spock's movements were stiff and controlled. He reached out for the tube of lubrication and poured some in his hand. Then he pulled away again, sitting on his heels. Kirk watched Spock's face. His features were tense and concentrated. The moist body glistened in the firelight, and Kirk drew a deep breath. He had never seen Spock sweating before and the slick skin only added to his beauty. The black hair was slicked to his forehead and the eyes half-lidded. The taut muscles of his shoulders and arms were displayed beautifully in the flickering light from the fire. 

"I want you so much," Kirk whispered and their eyes met. "I want you inside me. I want to feel you moving in me." 

Spock's eyes didn't leave his face, but Kirk followed the movements of the Vulcan's hand as he warmed the slick essence in his hands and finally put his hand on his own sex, coating it thoroughly. 

"Go on," Kirk whispered. The vision of his cool Vulcan touching himself like that was re-awakening his desire, in a way he doubted anything else could have done. He could feel his cock stir, and grow harder instantly. "Touch yourself for me, please."

"Are you finding this enjoyable?" Spock whispered, as his hand moved slowly over his own steel-hard erection. The long fingers moved expertly over the hardness, making it, too, glisten wetly in the light from the fire. The deep-green tinge of the cock made it look alien, but gorgeous in its own way. What would those double-ridges feel like inside him, Kirk wondered. He couldn't wait to find out. Tearing his gaze off Spock's hand moving over his own sex, he met Spock's eyes again. 

"I want you," he whispered, and Spock moved forward, settling himself between Kirk's legs, preparing him hastily with the lubricant. And then Kirk could feel the blunt pressure of the alien cock against his opening. It pressed harder, and with a quick tilt of his hips, Spock had penetrated the ring of muscle and moved inside. Kirk gasped from the pleasure-pain of it. His eyes snapped open at the groan that escaped Spock. The Vulcan was leaning over him with one arm on each side of his body. The muscles were standing out in relief and the tendons were taut in his neck and throat. Kirk watched the stark beauty of his lover's face as Spock threw his head back, trying to hold back. 

"You're not hurting me, Spock," Kirk whispered, and the Vulcan leaned his head forward, opening his eyes, staring straight at him. His eyes were black with desire and Kirk lifted his hands, pulling Spock down on him, kissing him deeply. Spock met his kiss eagerly, sucking at his tongue and groaning into his mouth. Kirk didn't have to do anything else. It was as if Spock knew that the pain was over and the thrusts became harder, more uninhibited and soon, Kirk's head lolled back against the pillows and all he could do was push back, meet those thrusts with abandon. It was so good, so good. Feeling Spock's ridges brushing against that spot inside him was like nothing he had experienced before. He wanted more. 

"Come on, Spock. More," he panted.

And the Vulcan did as he begged, pulling back more, almost all the way out, and pushing inside with long, hard thrusts. Again and again and again, smoothly, hard and with an enticing circling of his hips just as he reached the bottom. For each time he pulled back his cock brushed that sensitive place inside Kirk, making him gasp from the intense pleasure. 

"Oh," Kirk moaned. "Spock, yes... oh god yes."

"Jim," Spock murmured, burying his face deep in the crook of his neck. Kirk moaned as he felt a hot, wet tongue licking his throat, moving upward. Sharp Vulcan teeth nipped his earlobe tenderly, biting it gently, sending hot flames through his body, making him shiver and tingle all over. Kirk felt like he was being played like an instrument. Never before had anyone reduced him to a quivering mass of desire like this, unable to reciprocate, just lying there feeling like he was going to melt into an incoherent mass of flesh. He bit his lip and opened his eyes, lifting his hands to the Vulcan's back, brushing them over taut muscles, raking his nails along Spock's spine. That caused the Vulcan to gasp and arch into his touch. Kirk did it again and Spock groaned once more, speeding up his thrusts. 

"I will not be able to hold back much longer, Jim."

"Then don't, Spock. Don't." 

He lifted his legs, wrapping them around the Vulcan's waist, angling his ass so that Spock could thrust even deeper inside him. He felt Spock's arms come around him, lifting him from the floor and the thrusts changed, shorter, quicker and harder. Faster, and faster until he heard Spock's breathing change, becoming shallow and ragged. 

"Jim," he groaned. "Jim... t'hy'la." 

And Kirk could feel the orgasm claim Spock and he buried his head on the Vulcan's sweat-slick shoulder, inhaling the distinct scent of his lover. 

"Yes, Jim. Oh, yes!" 

He could feel the violent jerks inside as Spock's seed poured into him, and it was enough to send himself over the edge once more. 

~¤>)§@§(<¤~

It was much later that Kirk woke up in front of the fireplace. Spock was lying on his side, watching him. 

"Hi there," Kirk whispered and turned on his side. Spock's arm lay on his hip in a slightly possessive grip. It made him smile. 

Spock didn't reply, he simply arched an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to talk, no doubt. 

"I guess you want to talk?" Kirk whispered. It frightened him a little, knowing that they had some important matters to discuss. 

"We do not necessarily have to discuss anything of importance right now, Jim," Spock said softly. "We still have 11.4 days left of our shore-leave. We will find the opportunity to discuss the important matters at a later time." 

Kirk smiled. He knew Spock was trying to put him at ease. 

"Listen, Spock. I know you. You are Vulcan."

"Indeed."

"Vulcan's do not practice one-night-stands." 

"That is correct."

"Which implies that you want a lasting relationship."

"Jim. That is true. But I am not so ignorant that I do not realize that you may not wish the same. And even if we should wish to, we do not have to make such a commitment immediately."

Kirk looked into the Vulcan's eyes. 

"Thank you, Spock," he whispered. 

"For what?" 

"For giving me time to think this over. For being here. "

"There is no other place I would rather be, t'hy'la." 

T'hy'la - Friend, Brother and Lover

Kirk pulled away from Spock and moved over to the Christmas tree, unselfconscious about his nudity, but feeling less sticky and unpleasant than he had imagined. Obviously, Spock had taken the opportunity to clean them both up while he was sleeping. 

"We didn't open all our gifts," Kirk said and chuckled. 

"Indeed. Shall we continue?" Spock said and sat up. Kirk couldn't tear his eyes off the beautiful body. Long, lean, lightly furred and beautiful. Spock seemed uncharacteristically at ease with his nudity. The Vulcan even spread his arms and legs and the cover fell from his knee, displaying his entire body as he did so. Kirk gasped. 

"You are so beautiful, Spock," he said. 

"I am pleased that you think so, Jim." 

Kirk brought some of the gifts with him and sat, cross-legged in front of Spock. 

"There you go." 

They opened the presents one by one, and piled the gifts on the floor beside them. They both received a lot of impractical and unhealthy foodstuffs from their crewmates. 

"Now, open this, Jim," Spock said, and there was a glint of apprehension in his eyes. Kirk accepted the small package and ripped the paper off it eagerly. It was a small book, with Terran poetry. Love poetry. 

"Spock?" Kirk said. 

The Vulcan looked down on his hands and then he looked up again. 

"Had you not revealed yourself this day, I would have done so with this book," Spock said softly. "Open it."

Kirk did so and flipped to the poem marked with a red leather bookmark decorated with his name in gold relief. The page he opened contained an old Earth poem and Kirk read it aloud. 

_How can I say if your voice is beautiful?  
I only know that it pierces right through me.  
And makes me tremble like a leaf.  
It tears me apart and shatters me._

_What do I know of your skin and your limbs?  
It only shakes me that they are yours.   
For me there is no rest and no sleep   
Until they are mine. _

"Spock, it is beautiful."

"If a trifle sentimental," Spock said dryly.

"Yeah," Kirk had to smile, but deep down it was rather comforting to know that behind that cool, together exterior beat the heart of a true romantic, and a poet. 

"I love you, Spock.". 

"T'hy'la," Spock whispered and pulled him back down for a kiss. 

Kirk knew that it was only a question of time before he would want Spock to meld with him. He just wanted to get used to the idea. Bonded for life? 

He didn't have a clue that it would come to this when he brought the Vulcan to the cabin, but he couldn't have asked for anything better. Kirk pulled his lover closer. Yeah, soon, they would become one. Maybe that would be a nice way to begin the New Year? 

END

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to The furry gentleman - Greywolf the Wanderer, for beta-reading this bit of fanfic. My regular beta got a sugar induced overload which made her violently ill ;-)  
> Author's note: This story goes with Marianne's lovely drawing Blue Seduction. I asked her to *pretty please* make a drawing of Spock in blue jeans... and I promised to make a story to go with it if she did. This is it. It took more time to write, and became longer, than I'd ever expected it to... This is pure fluff and a little silly. However... it's not supposed to be TupperTrek, and Greywolf ensures me it isn't, so I'm trusting him on this one. I think I managed to incorporate something that could be considered a Challenge Reply to Omega's Mistletoe Challenge as well. Oh well, better late than never, huh?  
> Special note: # The very mushy poem at the end of this story is copyrighted by a Swedish poet named Karin Boye, freely translated by the author of this fan fiction.


End file.
